I live in the United Kingdom and my passport say’s I’m British. My DNA say’s I’m a little bit of everything: British, Scandinavian, French, German, Portuguese, South Asian, West African My trauma turned my head towards all things geek. Who doesn’t want to live in a world with superhero’s and super powers!? Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my childhood best friend (she just doesn’t know it). I remain anonymous as I have younger relations who do not know about the abuse, and although they are young adults now until they ask me about my story I won’t force it on them.
My Survivor Story (TRIGGER WARNING):
Sexual, emotional and physical abuse by relations.
During my parents separation I became a target for sexual abuse and was left with my abuser for weekends. My mother continued to emotional abuse me and I believe I was a victim of Munchhausen by proxy. I spent a lot of time in hospital during my childhood. The CSA came out when I was 10 but the UK Crown Prosecution Service decided there would be no prosecution as I wouldn’t be strong enough to stand in court. Instead I was isolated from the CSA and left with my narcissistic mother. The CSA destroyed my body while she destroyed my soul. I didn’t protect myself from that point and had quite a few negative experiences in life. I had no self value.
My Healing Journey:
My recovery is a journey. At each stage in my life I open the gate to a new set of paths which I sometimes need assistance navigating. Since my childhood I’ve seen 10+ counsellors, psychiatrists etc. Although logically I know a child can’t be to blame. Today I still struggle with shame, guilt, self doubt and self hate. I’ve been described as an ‘enigma’ by professionals because I lead a perfectly ‘normal’ life. I have learned the art of hiding my pain, but of course this can be pretty lonely and unhealthy. I created my Twitter account to be able to voice what I hide, but to primarily help others with knowing, you are not alone.
I have written survivorship poems which are available here
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